winter blues.

by - Monday, November 30, 2009

I'm not sure about writing this post, I hate to come across as miserable but I’m just not feeling myself at the moment. I need to just get it out of my system. I’m not expecting anyone who reads this to find it interesting so just as a little disclaimer, a pre-warning this will be a miserable ranty post. :)
To be honest I’m not even sure where this is all coming from, I wouldn’t go as far as to say imp depressed but I just feel miserable and unhappy most of the time recently. I love my life and all the people in it and nothing majorly devastating has happened to me recently but I just
can't seem to shake it off you know? Whether it’s the weather or just winter in general I’m not sure.
I’m finding it difficult at college, not the work load I really enjoy what we do its just, some of the people in my class, on the whole they are a nice bunch and I do have a few friends who I hang out with but, even those I feel don’t like me very much, or maybe not that they don’t like me I just don’t seem to click with anyone. I’ve never found it easy to make friends, and it’s always takes me quite a while to be myself around people, I feel like everything I say sounds stupid, or just makes me look weird you know? thing is I know half the time if I was just able to be myself I would be fine, I don’t think I’m any different from anyone else, I wish I had the confidence and self belief to not be afraid, to not hold back.

That’s something I just need to deal with and get over isn’t i

Other things have happened at college to that have just pissed me off. But enough about that.

Another thing I’m having difficulty with at the moment is my weight. I've been on this journey for so long now, and I’m still not really happy with myself, or how much I weigh. I know I’ve done well, and I can defiantly see a massive difference now but it still just doesn’t seem enough you know? I've lost just fewer than 4 and a half stones so yeah, quite a lot. You’d think by now I’d be satisfied. I thought I would be. And I bloody well should be proud of myself. I think I concentrate too much on numbers rather than how I feel and how my clothes look, I need to get over what it says on the scales. it’s just really bugging me that I can’t seem to lose these last few pounds, It used to be so easy to shift 3 pounds I could do that in a week but I just can’t seem to be able to. Admittedly, I have slipped up and I haven’t been as religious with my fitness and diet as I could have been recently, I think I need to shake it up a bit, try something new. Oddly though even thought I haven’t lost any weight my clothes still seem to be getting looser? The jeans I bought about a month ago were quite tight, and my buying them was quite ambitious of me but now they seem to fit, and are even a little loose?

I wish I could word my thoughts more eloquently, this just sounds like a massive ramble. Oh well. I'll get overmy self soon I promise :) if you got this far then well done!

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  1. I am 41 and still second guess myself about what I say around others. I feel like I say dumb stuff but I have noticed people even older than me still saying dumb stuff. Everytime we have company I ask my husband did I sound like an idiot the whole time. He thinks I worry too much. I guess we all think that way sometimes. I am sure its more in our head and that people arent paying that much attention anyhow. Sorry you are blue about it. Hope you feel better soon.