and that's ok.

I don't want to be anymore. That is also ok. 

Here's my story.

I'm loosing weight because I want my body to be healthier, to work better, to be able to do more. Not because I feel shamed into looking a certain way. This is something I've had to drill into myself over the last few months. For a long time I felt that in order for me to be 'liked' or 'accepted' I'd need to look a certain way, be under a certain weight, but over the years so much has taught me that, that is complete bullshit. Why is it that we feel that way? Why for so long did I feel ashamed of how I looked. I'm sad that I wasted so much time worrying about what I looked like to other people when all that should have mattered is how I felt, whether I liked what I was wearing that day.  

In January my life changed entirely. My husband and I moved to the US, packing up everything we own, saying goodbye to everyone we knew, and starting again. Well for me at least. My husband was being transferred through work, so same job, different people. I however would be out of work until I got an EAD approved. This meant I'd have a lot of free time. Time that I vowed I would use to 'work' on myself, until I was able to 'work', in the literal sense. 

My weight has been an issue for a good decade, going up and down significantly in that time. Over the years I've tried so many diets, that work fantastically, until you stop. I'd always find an excuse, for everything, why I couldn't work out, why I ate the way I did. But when we moved I was given an opportunity to completely change my routine and my mindset, To change everything. The difference is, this time I'm not on a diet. I'm not doing anything fancy. I count what goes in, I increased my exercise. I still have days where I sit around and do nothing, and nights where we order way too much food and eat it all! The difference is I'm way more conscious of that, I make adjustments to my meals if I fancy eating something a little more exuberant later on, i.e the deep dish pizza we had on my birthday was preceded with a 2 hour walk around Chicago. It's all about moderation. This is not a quick fix, and it's going to take a lot longer than at first, I thought I wanted it to but I'm ok with that. Because I know only too well how unattainable the lifestyle of someone who doesn't eat carbs but looses 4 lbs a week is. Been there. Several times. I even have the t-shirt, that's now too small because I gained the weight I lost and then some. If you have any interest in what I have to say you might like to follow my journey through other mediums. Here are links to sites I have found invaluable in helping me to achieve my goals, through support of others and learning to be more accountable.  Twinbody and My fitness pal.

Thank you for reading.