by - Sunday, December 04, 2011

There is very little point to this post other than to get out of doing uni work for a little bit. Oops.
It's been a marginally stressful week, and it isn't over yet. To be fair it's all self inflicted as I have a tendency of leaving things up until the last minute, and find myself in a desperate rush to get everything done in time. The thing is with uni, you actually have to put in a little bit of effort, don't get me wrong I appreciate the value of doing this degree and it is important, its just... Well... I don't know, my hearts not it in this semester. At the beginning of the year it started off looking like it could be a really good semester (interesting modules etc) and then there was a little mishap that resulted in having to change a few modules etc. again this is all my fault so I only have myself to blame, but it doesn't make it any better. Anyway, I've found this semester really quite hard and the modules are not ones I would have chosenin an ideal world. It's been a struggle and it's had me questioning my abilities a lot over the last few weeks. I think I've always known I'm not the most academic person, I've always achieved average grades (apart from in drama, for some reason I did well on that course!) been an average student, and part of me wonders if maybe I put more effort in, would it make any difference, or am I just not very academic? Is this my fate? I'm not sure what I'm getting at here. But I think I'm ok with being middle of the road, you know? I'm not dumb, but I'm not particularly clever either, I think my biggest problem is articulating what I mean, I really struggle in certain situations to get across exactly what It is I want to say, I end up making a mountain out of a molehill and still not really getting the message across. I think a lot of this has to do with confidence and self esteem, or rather lack of it. I just always feel like what I have to say is stupid, or unimportant and I think this comes across when I'm writing assignments, I never fully believe in myself, and my abilities and therefore put less effort in because i dont think I'm capable of anything more. Back to the point, basically I think im ok with this because I don't think being intelligent and articulate define you as a person, or make you who you are. sure it's useful, and probably makes you a lot more interesting but personally there's a lot more to life than education, and having a successful career and earning a big pay packet at the end of the year. I'm not saying these are bad things, and I respect people that choose this path, it's hard work. But in the end, what's all that hard work for? What do you get out of it that makes it so important and worthwhile?

Woah, now I'm suitably rambling.
I suppose I should get back on with my uni work. This shit won't write itself.

Here's a picture to make this post less boring, haha.
This was taken shortly before having a mental breakdown Over the amount of uni work I still have to do ahaha.

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